FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
Randomize
