i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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