I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
We're using joints as your birthday candles
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
