I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
Randomize
