I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
Randomize
