Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
