the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Randomize
