My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Randomize
