I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
