Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Randomize
