In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
Last time i carry you out of a forest
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize
