today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
