you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Randomize
