Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Randomize
