wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
Randomize
