Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
Randomize
