Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
