So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
Randomize
