i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Randomize
