So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize
