I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
I love having hate sex.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
