You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
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