So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
