I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
Randomize
