dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
When did angry sex become our thing?
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
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