No, drunk sperm still make babies.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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