maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
Shitshow foam night was such a success
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
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