there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
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