how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
Randomize
