im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
Randomize
