I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
Randomize
