You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
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