i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
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