The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize
