I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
