I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
