May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Randomize
