Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
