I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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