If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
