i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
he fucked my hip out of place.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
