if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
please come you make the beer taste better
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
