I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
