HIV tests are more positive than that guy
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
Randomize
