The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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