So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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