Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Randomize
