It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
Im part way to drunk.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Randomize
