It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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