pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
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