what's the vibe there?
extraordinary amounts of gine
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
