But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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