Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
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