woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
Randomize
