she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
